love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
