When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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