You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
