can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
