TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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