When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
