She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
