omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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