i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
