Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
