if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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