She is in my trunk
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
