She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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