I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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