This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
