you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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