i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
