why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.