I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
