I heard we made out
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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