it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
