I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
