How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
