U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
