Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
