Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
