i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
