It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
