After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
