I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just pee around me
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
