I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
