Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
