we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
