so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
