I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
