dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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