Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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