what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
