I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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