I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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