so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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