This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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