I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
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went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
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Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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