We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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