you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
