i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.