i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
