you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬