It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I want to be your penis for a week.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
