Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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