Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
