He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
