omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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