What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
