wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
