I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
