I need help removing her.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
