On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
