He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i now understand why vodka
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
