I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
