I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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