You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
